HMO Humor

I belong to an HMO and overall have had pretty good luck and can't complain to much all things considered, but one can still find the humor in following that my wife forwarded on to me.

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its
roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three
Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget
about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the
eyes.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the
doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in
the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories -
those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who
will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But
don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and
accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive
away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the
name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a
stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he
can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really
perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the
$20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment
by then.